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I had an internal battle too. Perhaps 'confusion' would be better. I hated the idea she might find someone else and leave me alone, but the thought of making a lifetime commitment was equally daunting. I became sure, though, that a lifetime commitment – marriage – was what I wanted. It was just ... finding the right moment.I wasn't poor. Because of my parents' deaths, I had the house and a certain amount of capital, so I hadn't needed student loans. On the other hand I wasn't wealthy either and I was very careful how I spent my money. While we're on the subject, I certainly had no reservations about Rose-Marie's 'running costs'. She was definitely not in the 'high maintenance' category. I don't know if that was really a factor. Anyway, I went looking for a ring, eventually finding one I thought might do; an amethyst set with small diamonds in gold. I thought it simple, elegant and lovely, like my beloved. I carried the box in my pocket for several weeks.One day in early July, Dulcie. To: [email protected] From: [email protected] Subject: How are you tonight I thought about this a lot, and decided that email is probably a safe way to converse on a personal basis. I loved chatting with you, but afterwards, I realized that I said a lot of personal stuff, and I wish I hadn’t. I need someone to talk to, but don’t like the world to listen in, so I’ll try this for a while, and we’ll see what happens. Husband is gone, again, and I’m here alone, again, watching old horror movies, again. Kids are tucked in, and I’ve only made two trips to settle bedtime giggles, so tonight is about average. I love my husband deeply, but honestly, I can’t take much more of this. He’s gone until all hours of the DAMNED night, working at that DAMNED office on DAMNED stuff that can never wait. He’s told me they “de-layered” the organization, which he says means fewer people do more work in the same amount of time, but I guess he hasn’t figured out how to be that efficient yet. Just wish we.
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